Monday, May 1, 2017

Lock Ins

Do I need new doorknobs and lamp shades? Probably. Am I even completely moved in, even though it's been an entire year? No. But that is not stopping me from staying under my covers and watching old movies all day. I don't want anything to do with the overwhelming feeling that is ikea when it's having a sale.

That is, until the people below me began blasting their music again, hindering my concentration on roman holiday. Ikea, here we come.

Dealing with crowds is not my strong suit. I can take it at the movie theater, where there's an entire counter between me and them, but when I'm in the midst of all of it, overcome by body heat and loud noises, I'm not exactly calm. I run my hands over bedroom comforters and pretend like I live in the little set up homes. Any distraction is welcomed. As I make my way to eat lunch (a trip to ikea without the Swedish meatballs is a trip wasted) the lights go off. My grip on the plastic tray loosens, and panic ensues. Apparently, the doors have been locked. Not only am I surrounded by strangers, I'm surrounded by strangers in a dark ikea.

If this is an emergency, I've got to find cover- right? In school they always taught us to get away from windows and find a safe space. Where's a safe place in an ikea? Can't people find you just about anywhere? It's a furnished warehouse, for god's sake. The only place to hide in an ikea is- oh man. I'm going to have to hide in an ikea ball pit.

I dash down the escalator steps (now that the power is out they're just stairs) and dart past the crowds pounding on the door. I can see the police outside. Now I'm scared. Police in this town aren't exactly a welcome sight. I run to the kids playroom and hop the counter, just missing a middle aged employee who's not exactly thrilled to see a 20 year old girl in the daycare center. Before she can stop me, I dive into the ball pit and nestle to the bottom.

"Don't think about the germs, don't think about the germs, don't think about the germs" I whisper to myself. At least this feels somewhat safe. If theres a murderer loose in ikea, I doubt their first move would be to search the ball pit. I'm okay. This will be over soon. In the meantime, I hold my breath and think of any weirder experiences I've had than this one.

I'm coming up pretty short.

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